Part III.....Life Takes Off - Parenthood....
I actually spoke about this part of my life when I had the privilege to stand in the pulpit at my home church on Father's Day back in 2003. Several men spoke that weekend, and I was blessed to share the Sat. night pulpit.
Back in history to Feb. 1981.....I had been hired at Mobil about a year before and we were just starting to get established financially. We had been living in an apartment, and had just purchased a starter home. It was then that we found out we were pregnant with our first child. Initially, there was a state of shock, excitement, and anxiety, all rolled into one. I can remember when we did the home pregnancy test and the directions said to wait 2 hours for a result....but we actually had the result in 30-45 minutes. I have wondered at times if that little nuance was an indication of God's affirmation that this was indeed, His chosen path for us.
I actually spoke about this part of my life when I had the privilege to stand in the pulpit at my home church on Father's Day back in 2003. Several men spoke that weekend, and I was blessed to share the Sat. night pulpit.
Back in history to Feb. 1981.....I had been hired at Mobil about a year before and we were just starting to get established financially. We had been living in an apartment, and had just purchased a starter home. It was then that we found out we were pregnant with our first child. Initially, there was a state of shock, excitement, and anxiety, all rolled into one. I can remember when we did the home pregnancy test and the directions said to wait 2 hours for a result....but we actually had the result in 30-45 minutes. I have wondered at times if that little nuance was an indication of God's affirmation that this was indeed, His chosen path for us.
Anyway, over the next few weeks, my feelings of excitement began to fizzle, and were replaced by a growing level of anxiety, and outright fear. I began to realize the amount of responsibility that I would soon have to bear, and the lifelong commitment that we were both facing. As more time passed, I began to pray to God for help. But, I was not saved yet, I had never really read the bible, and I had no idea what salvation was. All I knew from my Catholic upbringing was that there is a Supreme Being out there somewhere about a million miles away, who only heard rosary prayers of "Hail Mary" and the like. I basically just repeated a single, desperate prayer....."oh God, help me!!" Somehow, I had to come to terms with this....or I'd go crazy.
More time passed....Helene was getting bigger....and the pressure was mounting. The doctor visits and ultrasound pictures of the baby kept reminding me that the big day was coming very soon....and I just wasn't ready. I tried to do a true heart search of myself to try and understand what my problem was.....and then it hit me.....I had no idea how to be a father! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did not have any personal father/son experience to draw from. Oh.....I had seen other fathers do things with their kids. As I was growing up, I had a particular friend whose father always treated me good whenever I was around. But, it just wasn't the same thing. At that time, I had also been blessed to have built a great relationship with my father-in-law, but again, that was as an adult....nothing to relate to from a child-like perspective.
More time passed....Helene was getting bigger....and the pressure was mounting. The doctor visits and ultrasound pictures of the baby kept reminding me that the big day was coming very soon....and I just wasn't ready. I tried to do a true heart search of myself to try and understand what my problem was.....and then it hit me.....I had no idea how to be a father! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did not have any personal father/son experience to draw from. Oh.....I had seen other fathers do things with their kids. As I was growing up, I had a particular friend whose father always treated me good whenever I was around. But, it just wasn't the same thing. At that time, I had also been blessed to have built a great relationship with my father-in-law, but again, that was as an adult....nothing to relate to from a child-like perspective.
So......now I knew how I had to pray, and I sincerely asked God to help me somehow. It's funny.....I did not become saved until 1990, but in my heart, in 1981, I knew I had to seek God. I never really tried to seek out any outside human counsel about my plight....I just never felt led to do that.....but somehow, I knew God had the answer. I never went to my mom with any of this because, as I said earlier, there was tension there, and I just didn't feel comfortable doing that. I discussed my apprehension/anxiety with my wife, and she did her best to reassure me that I/we would be just fine. Her vote of confidence helped, but this was really between God & me. I sought Him many times during those months, but there was only silence in return.
Sometime in late July, God broke His silence and clearly spoke to me in a way that I still marvel about....not in words, but in a "knowing" deep inside. The message was clear and concise......"Did you like it when your dad never took you hunting or fishing, or to ball games?" My answer was no. "Did you like it that you never got to spend time with him, and do all the family things that other families do?" Again....my answer was no. "Did you like it when he always seemed to be mad, and hollered at you?" Again....no. "Did you like the fact that you never sat on his lap, that he never hugged you, or said 'I love you'?" Tearfully....again, the answer was no. He then said, "I have provided you with everything you need to be a father. All of the unpleasant things that you remember....all the things that you disliked....don't repeat those things with your child. I have shown you how to be a father by showing you how NOT to be one."
Sometime in late July, God broke His silence and clearly spoke to me in a way that I still marvel about....not in words, but in a "knowing" deep inside. The message was clear and concise......"Did you like it when your dad never took you hunting or fishing, or to ball games?" My answer was no. "Did you like it that you never got to spend time with him, and do all the family things that other families do?" Again....my answer was no. "Did you like it when he always seemed to be mad, and hollered at you?" Again....no. "Did you like the fact that you never sat on his lap, that he never hugged you, or said 'I love you'?" Tearfully....again, the answer was no. He then said, "I have provided you with everything you need to be a father. All of the unpleasant things that you remember....all the things that you disliked....don't repeat those things with your child. I have shown you how to be a father by showing you how NOT to be one."
I remember sitting quietly for some time soaking this in. It was revelation knowledge! It did not matter what had happened in the past....the future was pure and new and yet unwritten. I/we did not have to repeat any mistakes from the past....this was something I simply had not realized. The possibilities were endless!! Looking back, this sure sounds and looks simple and obvious enough, but to a young man 22 years old, it was not so obvious. So......I made up my mind and settled the issue that I would be a good and loving father, and got rid of the anxiety, apprehension, & fear.....and the feelings of excitement began to return. Lo and behold, on Sept. 7th, 1981, our son Doug was born, and a new frontier was opened to us that has been continuing for over 30 years now. By the way, a little side note.....Doug just happened to be born on Labor Day.....does God have a sense of humor or what??!!
The parenthood road continued......my daughter Jenna was born on Dec. 29th, 1984, and my son Evan was born on Dec. 30th, 1987. I have always called these two our tax babies because the tax rules allowed us to claim them as dependents for the whole year. They paid us the first year, and we've been paying ever since!!! LOL!
All of them are grown now and pursuing their own paths. We did our best to instill good moral character in them, a sense of responsibility, and a loving knowledge of Jesus. We've made our mistakes, but even so.....we've always been close to them. For me personally as a father, I've reached the goal I set out to achieve......I'm not a stranger to them. We can laugh and cry together, we can talk about anything, and we can hug and say "I love you" freely....no holding back.
The parenthood road continued......my daughter Jenna was born on Dec. 29th, 1984, and my son Evan was born on Dec. 30th, 1987. I have always called these two our tax babies because the tax rules allowed us to claim them as dependents for the whole year. They paid us the first year, and we've been paying ever since!!! LOL!
All of them are grown now and pursuing their own paths. We did our best to instill good moral character in them, a sense of responsibility, and a loving knowledge of Jesus. We've made our mistakes, but even so.....we've always been close to them. For me personally as a father, I've reached the goal I set out to achieve......I'm not a stranger to them. We can laugh and cry together, we can talk about anything, and we can hug and say "I love you" freely....no holding back.
God orchestrated it all, even though I got in His way many, many times. As I said earlier, I finally came to know him in 1990.....Nov. 15th to be exact…..but that's another chapter….
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