It's amazing when I look back....I was angry and bitter about some things in my life at the time they were occurring, but I can now see how the Lord used the good, and especially the not-so-good. He was able to take all those pieces and mold me into what He wanted me to become.
I can't really say I ever liked school. When I look back, it seemed I always used to attract fair-weather friends.....none you could ever really count on. I can remember, even in the silly situations like getting caught talking in class, passing notes, horseplay, etc..... When the teacher would ask who did this or that....I was silent. However, I did not receive that same courtesy in return. Again, these were just minor, silly things.....but the Lord used them to teach me about friendship and loyalty. I never liked the pain of being ratted out, left behind, or just plain "dissed".....and there is the lesson in how to be a good and trusted friend. God clearly showed me how to be a friend by showing me how not to be one - if that makes sense.
In all this was the traditional, 100% Italian, Roman-Catholic background. I went to Catholic school (until 8th grade), went through first holy communion, confirmation, and so on.....all the usual rituals. Not once did I ever hear an invitation or the salvation message. If I wanted to get to God, I was going to have to go through the priest, the Monsignor, the Bishop.....and so on. I remember once when I was little, my mom brought the family Bible to church. The priest was greeting folks at the door and was quite annoyed with her when he saw her carrying it. I remember him asking her, "why did you bring that? All you need is the misselet", as they called it (the handout they gave you at the door). I look back on that and I can see what the Pharisees were like in Jesus' day - the Catholic church being modern-day Pharisees.
I can't really say I ever liked school. When I look back, it seemed I always used to attract fair-weather friends.....none you could ever really count on. I can remember, even in the silly situations like getting caught talking in class, passing notes, horseplay, etc..... When the teacher would ask who did this or that....I was silent. However, I did not receive that same courtesy in return. Again, these were just minor, silly things.....but the Lord used them to teach me about friendship and loyalty. I never liked the pain of being ratted out, left behind, or just plain "dissed".....and there is the lesson in how to be a good and trusted friend. God clearly showed me how to be a friend by showing me how not to be one - if that makes sense.
In all this was the traditional, 100% Italian, Roman-Catholic background. I went to Catholic school (until 8th grade), went through first holy communion, confirmation, and so on.....all the usual rituals. Not once did I ever hear an invitation or the salvation message. If I wanted to get to God, I was going to have to go through the priest, the Monsignor, the Bishop.....and so on. I remember once when I was little, my mom brought the family Bible to church. The priest was greeting folks at the door and was quite annoyed with her when he saw her carrying it. I remember him asking her, "why did you bring that? All you need is the misselet", as they called it (the handout they gave you at the door). I look back on that and I can see what the Pharisees were like in Jesus' day - the Catholic church being modern-day Pharisees.
My youth was challenging. My dad died when I was 15. He had me later in his life (he was 51 when I was born), and we were never real close (I have two older brothers, 4 yrs. & 12 yrs. older). I can remember him always being mad, and hollering a lot. Everything my middle brother and I did got on his nerves. We always had to be quiet, so it stands to reason that we rejoiced when he worked the 4x12 shift. After school, we could play & rough-house around....and while mom did keep us in line, she was much more understanding and gave us much more "rope"....so to speak.
We didn't do the usual family, or father/son things together....we never went on any vacations (occasional visits to an Uncle's shore house.....if that counts)....we didn't go fishing or hunting....we didn't go to ball games....we didn't toss the baseball or football around....none of that kind of stuff. I don't even remember things like sitting on his lap, or being hugged, or anything like that. So....like I said, never a real closeness there. I've asked God many, many times the proverbial question.....Why?
When he died, I found out that he had not done the best job of providing for his family, and he left us in a tough financial situation. My oldest brother already had a family of his own, with bills to pay, and so on. My middle brother was out of school and was just leaving the nest....so I was left to try and help my mom make ends meet. I started working after school, making what money I could, but it was tough. I had become a very good student, and was getting A's & B's during freshman year in high school. But that all started to slide in sophomore year. I had gotten hooked up with the "motorhead" crowd, and my love of cars took off. We were always hanging out working on cars and I learned a lot, and ended up getting a job at a gas station, and also a job at an auto parts store. I worked both part-time after school and nights to help pay the bills. But, my grades suffered terribly, and by junior year, I was struggling to even maintain passing grades. On top of that, some of my friends introduced me to marijuana, and I started to smoke it socially. I never went overboard on it, but I found that it was a nice escape whenever I could get some free time to relax. My mom used to harp on me about not making enough money, and I used to get so angry with her. How could she put all this weight on my head? Why was this my burden to bear? My brothers would both help out when they could, but like I said, they now had their own households to run. I didn't realize until later that my mom, with her old fashioned Italian background, was from the old school. She was always the homemaker, and my dad was the breadwinner. She had worked for a few years when she was young, but that was all. She didn't know anything about how to go out and get a job....that was the man's thing to do....and I guess it just settled on me because of my gender. What a lousy hand of cards to be dealt at that age!! But God can use all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose.
We didn't do the usual family, or father/son things together....we never went on any vacations (occasional visits to an Uncle's shore house.....if that counts)....we didn't go fishing or hunting....we didn't go to ball games....we didn't toss the baseball or football around....none of that kind of stuff. I don't even remember things like sitting on his lap, or being hugged, or anything like that. So....like I said, never a real closeness there. I've asked God many, many times the proverbial question.....Why?
When he died, I found out that he had not done the best job of providing for his family, and he left us in a tough financial situation. My oldest brother already had a family of his own, with bills to pay, and so on. My middle brother was out of school and was just leaving the nest....so I was left to try and help my mom make ends meet. I started working after school, making what money I could, but it was tough. I had become a very good student, and was getting A's & B's during freshman year in high school. But that all started to slide in sophomore year. I had gotten hooked up with the "motorhead" crowd, and my love of cars took off. We were always hanging out working on cars and I learned a lot, and ended up getting a job at a gas station, and also a job at an auto parts store. I worked both part-time after school and nights to help pay the bills. But, my grades suffered terribly, and by junior year, I was struggling to even maintain passing grades. On top of that, some of my friends introduced me to marijuana, and I started to smoke it socially. I never went overboard on it, but I found that it was a nice escape whenever I could get some free time to relax. My mom used to harp on me about not making enough money, and I used to get so angry with her. How could she put all this weight on my head? Why was this my burden to bear? My brothers would both help out when they could, but like I said, they now had their own households to run. I didn't realize until later that my mom, with her old fashioned Italian background, was from the old school. She was always the homemaker, and my dad was the breadwinner. She had worked for a few years when she was young, but that was all. She didn't know anything about how to go out and get a job....that was the man's thing to do....and I guess it just settled on me because of my gender. What a lousy hand of cards to be dealt at that age!! But God can use all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose.
That gets me through the school years. About a year after I graduated (yes, I managed to salvage the grades!), I met my future wife....and we get to the next phase of the story......soon to come.
