Life and Times.....

Marriage is….

2012-01-21T17:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes fat, sometimes lean,

Sometimes plenty, sometimes need,

Sometimes giving, sometimes greed,

Sometimes plant, sometimes glean.

Sometimes milk, sometimes meat,

Sometimes sour, sometimes sweet,

Sometimes curdles, sometimes cream,

Sometimes wheat, sometimes weeds.

Sometimes nice, sometimes mean,

Sometimes hidden, sometimes seen,

Sometimes dirty, sometimes clean,

Sometimes dull, sometimes sheen.

Sometimes snow, sometimes green,

Sometimes mountain, sometimes sea,

Sometimes shrub, sometimes tree,

Sometimes desert, sometimes stream.

Sometimes whisper, sometimes scream,

Sometimes nightmare, sometimes dream,

Sometimes ice, sometimes steam,

Sometimes King, sometimes Queen.

Sometimes speak, sometimes heed,

Sometimes follow, sometimes lead,

Sometimes blind, sometimes see,

Sometimes sad, sometimes glee.

Sometimes slow, sometimes speed,

Sometimes carriage, sometimes steed,

Sometimes healing, sometimes bleed,

Sometimes cost, sometimes free.

Sometimes A, sometimes B,

Sometimes Y, sometimes Z,

Sometimes you, sometimes me,

All the time, always We.

SLD - Dec. 2011

Life is a Series of Seasons....

2012-01-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

Life is a series of "seasons".....A few years back, through a series of events, God told me quite clearly....."I bring people into your life for a season. Appreciate them and do not take them for granted, for you know not how long the season shall last."

With that in mind, I chose to pen the following........

I'm supposed to write something about myself,
Something that's different from everyone else,
Not sure what that is, as we're all in the same boat,
We have two basic choices - we can paddle.....or float.

I choose to paddle, to move forward each day,
The best defense is a good offense, as they always say,
Stand up and be counted, no matter the cost,
If good people do nothing, then all is lost.

The problem is that all don't paddle in the same direction,
And the boat tends to waver, needing constant correction,
If you choose not to row, you become a burden - just ballast,
In that way your heart can become hardened and calloused.

But as God told Joshua, in the book of his name,
Be strong and courageous, you'll not be ashamed,
He repeated this direction at least three times,
I think it was meant to leave a mark on Joshua's mind.

It's a call to all of us, to press on towards the mark,
Don't be discouraged when seas are rough and skies turn dark,
Our God is with us every step of the way,
Emmanuel, He's saved us, the "Son" shines and is here to stay!

I could go on and on, but I'll stop here,
The bottom line is, through smiles or tears,
Our salvation is secured, so what more could we face....
Is there any problem too big for God....in all the human race?

Think about it......You know not how long your season shall last, so live every day with purpose and meaning. The words "I love you" should be said to someone everyday.

Can We Know When Jesus is Coming?

2012-01-08T13:40:00.000-08:00

Is it possible to study the Bible and determine when Jesus is coming? Many have asked that question.

Jesus himself said that no man knows the day or the hour. He also said, you know the times and the seasons - you ought to be aware of these things. If you take the Bible literally, then it is possible to recognize the “season” of His coming.

Let me ask a question. Is it possible to know when winter is coming.....or spring, summer, and autumn? Of course it is. You know from experience that it’s usually hot in July & August, so you make sure that your air conditioner is in good working order, and that the lawn mower is tuned up, and that the swimming pool is properly maintained…..and so on. Consequently, you know that come January & February, it’s going to be cold, maybe even snowy. We make sure we dress properly for the weather, and that the heater works properly, and that the snow blower is ready to go……and we are ready to criticize our local town officials for not plowing the roads promptly & properly (smile)……

My point is that we can certainly recognize the times and the seasons around us where nature and weather is concerned. Given that fact, can we recognize the signs of the times? Is there a “wind” blowing that is telling us His return is approaching? Absolutely!

Have you ever seen the Visa check/debit card commercials on TV? A bunch of people are at the food court or cafeteria, and everyone is methodically and mechanically getting their food and drinks, and going to the cashier with their debit card - swiping their card and moving on….just like a production line….everything moving in perfect order because of this wonderful financial invention. Then there’s one person in the line who reaches into his pocket to pay with cash, and the whole line abruptly comes to a halt, food is splattered here and there, drinks are spilled, and everything starts backing up….all because one “old-fashioned” person still carries cash - how despicable! Why can’t this person get with the times and get a Visa check/debit card?

Have you seen these commercials?

May I suggest to you that this is a sign of the “season?” We know that as the end time approaches, the use of cash will be done away with…..that everyone will, at some point, be made to take a mark in their forehead or right hand. In that day, none will be able to buy or sell, except those that have the mark. We know the devil’s tactics….he never introduces anything in one fell swoop….but rather in insignificant little bits over time. If you need an example of that, just consider the issue of prayer in schools, which was removed from the public school system in 1962.

Today, our schools have decayed into battlegrounds where drugs, alcohol, and firearms are a normal occurrence. When we hear about school shootings on the news, our hearts are grieved, but we are not even surprised anymore. Would we have ever thought that way in 1962? I don’t think so….. but a small steady dose of “de-sensitizing” each day for 50 years has numbed our hearts. I suggest that the same thing is happening with these Visa commercials, any many will be led astray. Will it take another 50 years for cash to be non-existent? I don’t know, but my personal opinion is that it won’t take nearly that much time. Our current computer and advanced technology age continues to accelerate life (in general) faster and faster each day. We have more gadgets today to simplify our lives with just a touch of a button, yet we have less and less time in our busy schedules….how is that possible? We are all victims of the enemy’s deceit in one way or another.

So....yes, I think we can see the "season of His return" approaching. Can we predict the month, day or hour? Of course not......I'm just saying that if we stay in the Word, we can know what these seasons look like, and be properly prepared as Jesus instructed.

But….don’t be depressed…..I’m not finished yet. The end of the book says that we win….and God is still on the throne….Amen? Somebody shout Hallelujah!!

Jesus has provided everything we need to be saved……so to steal a popular advertising line……..get Jesus. Don’t leave this earthly home without him!!

To Understand God’s Seed-Sowing Principles - Study Farming

2012-01-08T13:16:00.000-08:00

If everyone could hold a mustard seed in their hand, perhaps they could see how little faith it takes to really make things happen….to move mountains!

Where are you today, and where do you want to go? Is God leading you in a certain way, but you just don't know exactly how to proceed? You may be in need of knowledge to formulate a plan....or, you may be in need of finances to make the plan become a reality....or, you may be in need of certain tools or supplies to accomplish the task. Wherever you are today, what you need is a "harvest!"

The Bible tells us in Genesis that seed reproduces after its own kind. As Jesus told us in one of his parables...."Consider the farmer; he sows his seed and plants his crop; he sleeps and he rises and the seed grows and produces a crop - he knows not how." The main principle that needs to be understood is that the seed does not become a harvest overnight. It doesn't matter what crop is planted.....a "season" needs to pass before the harvest will come.

I used to keep a garden - a small patch of ground in a corner of my yard. I didn't grow much, but one of the things I planted were Jersey tomatoes (there's nothing like the taste of a Jersey tomato! It’s how New Jersey came to be known as the "Garden State.") Around early to mid-April I would buy about 2 dozen tomato plant saplings from a local farm market. I'd till the ground, mix in a little starter fertilizer, and plant each of the saplings about 2-3 ft. apart. I'd install "cages" around each plant as a support system for when it grew bigger. Then, I'd occasionally water the area - along with the rain, and keep the weeds away (grass clippings spread around each plant helped keep the weeds to a minimum).

Eventually, the plants would begin to grow, flowers would begin to show, and then the tiny green tomatoes on the flowers. As they grew, the branches would begin to sag with the weight of the tomatoes - that's where the cages came in. I would carefully place the branches through the various cage windows so that they had the proper support. Finally, somewhere around early to mid-July, there would be plump red tomatoes starting to appear on various plants.....It's harvest time!

Some of our best summer salads were made with tomatoes from my garden. Jersey tomatoes taste so good and are so flavorful, that I would sometimes eat them like apples (keep a napkin handy though....they are juicy!). Sprinkled with a little salt, these were a very tasty treat - straight from my own garden. Eventually, I'd have so many tomatoes I couldn't use them all....I'd have give them away. There are many Jersey tomato gardeners that tell the same story..... always so many tomatoes that they have to give them away. It reminds me of Malachi 3:10 where God speaks of the tithe.....that if we bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, He will open the windows of heaven and pour out so much blessing that we won't have enough room to receive it. When it came to tomatoes, I surely didn't have enough room to receive them all....Amen?

What is the point of this story? Simply this. No matter what you are facing today, it is a "season" that you are in, and it won't last forever. As you journey through it and find you have a need for something, you should plant seeds towards that need so that you eventually can reap a harvest - it's a very simple but very powerful principle that God has endowed us with. The tomato story above is just one illustration. It will work with anything, and I do mean anything.

If you need money, give to someone in need. Tithe to the Lord, and be generous at every opportunity. Don't be so concerned about what percentage you'll tip the waiter or waitress.....just bless their socks off! Those who sow generously will also reap generously.

If you need clothes, give some of your clothes to someone in need. Don't give your junk away....you don't want to wear it anymore, especially the stuff with holes in it, so why should anyone else want to? Give something that matters to you, something that means a lot....maybe even buy some new clothes for someone else. If it costs you something, then it's worth something, and God always notices that kind of effort....and He will repay what you "loan" to others....Amen?

God’s system works! Trust in it…..and prosper.

Only A Season.....

2012-01-05T18:54:00.000-08:00

(I originally wrote this in June, 2006......just wanted to share the message.....)

We've all been guilty of it....taking someone else for granted. Whether it's your wife or husband, mother or father, sister or brother, friend, co-worker, etc....At one time or another we've all been there and just "assumed" that the person would always be around doing what they do. However, the clock is ticking and time is short....

Back in January, a good friend of mine, Don, passed away. He was a brother in the Lord, a fellow choir member, and basic all around good guy. He was taken away so suddenly, and many were shocked at his passing. I spoke with many who knew him, and everyone said the same thing...."Don was always there, and now he's not - I guess I just took him for granted."

At that time, God tapped me on the shoulder and said...."I bring people into your life for a season. Appreciate them and do not take them for granted, for you know not how long the season shall last." It was a message that He would repeat....

In February, My oldest brother Carl passed away. He had been in declining health for several months. But, even though we knew that "sunset" was approaching, his death still took us by surprise and brought us low. He had recently accepted the Lord, which certainly was reason to rejoice, but it was oh so hard to let go. Knowing he is in heaven is a comfort, but it's a bittersweet pill to swallow - wanting to hang on, but knowing we have to let go.

In April, my Uncle passed away. His name was Sam, just like me (I was actually named after him) and he was the "Patriarch" of the family at age 87. He was the last one remaining from my mother's side of the family (she had 3 brothers and 3 sisters). All of them had died from some form of cancer, and even he had a bout with cancer several years ago, but he was the only one to beat it. Uncle Sam was another person who was always "there"....always lending a helping hand to someone - he'd give you the shirt off his back. He was a welder by trade and a mechanical genius...he could fix or create practically anything. His wife, my Aunt Esther, has been sick for a while now with a stroke and associated complications. He had been faithfully caring for her when he suddenly fell ill, and in a few short weeks, was gone. It was another event that brought us low, but we rested in the fact that God is in control - no matter what.

In May, a friend and co-worker of mine, Ed, passed away. He had been diagnosed with inoperable cancer back in early February. Just like that, before we knew it, he was gone. Ed and I also happened to grow up in the same neighborhood, just across the street from each other. He was 7 years my senior, so we didn't pal around or anything like that, but I knew him just the same. Through a series of recent events, Ed became employed at my workplace in January 2004, and in May of that year he came to work for me directly. He had a lot of experience in that particular field, and it was really nice to have him there. We had numerous opportunities to get re-acquainted, especially with many "memory-lane" conversations. He was a fine gentleman and I am thankful that the Lord saw fit to bring us together.

I attended his funeral along with many others. While I was there, God tapped me on the shoulder and said...."I bring people into your life for a season. Appreciate them and do not take them for granted, for you know not how long the season shall last."

As you read this....look around you. Take a very close look at the people God has placed in your life. Are you taking them for granted? Do they know how much you care about them? Make it a point to give them a hug, or say something nice, or offer a word of encouragement to each and every one of them. Let them know how much you appreciate them. As you sow those "seeds," I know that your harvest will come back a hundred-fold, and you'll be blessed beyond measure.

God brings people into your life for a season. Appreciate them and do not take them for granted, for you know not how long the season shall last. Remember, the clock is ticking and time is short.......say "I love you" to someone every day!

Part IV.....Coming into The Kingdom....

2012-01-05T18:42:00.000-08:00

When it comes to salvation, I've heard some people say that their lives were changed in an instant. Their eyes were opened when they prayed the sinners prayer and accepted Christ, & they instantly knew that they were forever changed. My conversion did not happen that way. In fact it wasn't even close to being in the same ballpark as that.

Around the 1982/1983 timeframe, my wife Helene decided to start attending a local Methodist church. She was not saved at the time, but felt that church attendance was the right thing to do and a good habit/example to set for our son. Somewhere in that timeframe, she became saved, and started to get on fire for the Lord. I can remember going to church every now and then, mostly due to her arm-twisting. I still had a bad taste in my mouth from the years of Catholic "crap" doctrine, and I wasn't too keen on church in general. I remember a few times when she brought up the issue of tithing. I always thought that 10 or 20 dollars was a very generous donation.....and she wanted me to consider 10%? I knew she had to be out of her tree! No way!! I continued to attend church once in a while because I knew she liked it when I went, but at that point, I was only doing it to please her. However, I always knew that God was out there, because of how He answered my prayer in 1981. I just had not heard the simple salvation message yet.

My daughter came along in Dec. 1984, and Helene's commitment became even deeper. She started working in the church nursery on Sundays, and also helped out as an aide in Sunday school. I was pretty content to keep church at a distance, continuing to attend only sporadically. It was around this time that my mom was having financial difficulties and had to move out of her home and into one of those Social Security apartment-type places. All that activity was coming to a climax in the Fall of 1985......but it was then that we found out that she had lung cancer....of the worst kind. Mom had complained of aches and pains for years.....it just seemed to be the thing she did - she never seemed to have any lasting effects. So.....whenever my brothers or I would see her or talk on the phone, she would almost always complain about this ache, or that pain.....and we'd just kind of let it go right by. Unfortunately.....these were now legitimate complaints. We ended up seeing good doctors and she received very good care, but it all resulted in the absolute worst prognosis.......Nothing they could do, and not much time left.

Ultimately......despite our best efforts to care for her, she passed away on March 23rd 1986.....Palm Sunday. This left me feeling quite low, and the following several months were probably the toughest ones on our marriage. Helene continued to be active in the church, but I could care less about it.....probably due to my grief, I'm not really sure. Anyway.....time passed.....and we came across an opportunity to build a new house in a new development in Washington Twp. Helene felt that God was leading us to make this move. I wasn't sure about the God part of it, but I knew He had a way of speaking in a special way, so I liked the idea and went with her lead. This common goal seemed to get us back on track as a couple, and we pursued it fervently. In Oct. 1987, we moved into our brand new home, and that was a really special time for us. We were pregnant with our third child and Helene gave birth in Dec. of that year. It seemed to me that I was finally getting past the grief of my mom's death, and life appeared to be going well and was good again. But....that was not the case..........

Just a few weeks later in January 1988, Helene was suddenly stricken with a very bad case of Pancreatitis....very serious. Doctors were unsure of the exact cause, and this event triggered a 2+ year ordeal of several hospital stays, visits to specialist after specialist, and more kinds of tests than I can remember. In the end, the doctors didn't know what else to do except operate, so she ended having major exploratory abdominal surgery in Feb. 1990. During those 2 years, I began to pray to God for help, in a similar way as I had back in 1981. I was still not saved, but I knew that I could not deal with life if I had to raise 3 small children on my own.....so I begged and pleaded with God time after time after time......to make her well again. The surgery turned out to be quite rough on her, and she was in the hospital recovering for 4 to 5 weeks afterward. But....praise God, it turned out to be the fix. After some additional recovery time at home, she was as good as new. I had my wife back, and my kids had their mom back.

As I reflect back, those 2+ years were training time for me. I had to get rid of "self," and get my focus on Helene and the kids. I had 3 little ones who were depending on me - for everything!! Helene's mom & dad were just fantastic during this time. They helped with the kids which allowed me to be able to work (rotating shifts), and care for Helene's needs as they came along. Again, I think this was "training time" so that I could flush out any selfishness that was in me. As 1990 progressed, I started to attend church with Helene and the kids more regularly, and I started feeling differently about it. She had asked everyone she knew to pray for me to get saved, and this obviously had an effect on me, because my attitude started to change. Helene joined the choir and was enjoying it immensely. They began to prepare for a Christmas Cantata in the Fall, and Helene kept bugging me to join up.......just for the Cantata....& if I didn't like it, I could quit after Christmas. All my life, I loved music & singing along with my favorite songs on the radio, and she knew this.....so I decided to join. The choir director was a really great guy, very outgoing and passionate about communicating the Gospel through music. I remember his teaching so well....."Music can reach into places where the spoken word cannot." This has turned out to be very true - to this day.

Anyway, there was a young lady who was doing a duet with one of the men in the choir.....a beautiful song about Mary & Joseph & the birth of Jesus. As time passed, the gentleman who was supposed to sing with her missed many of the practices. She asked me if I could practice with her, so that she would be ready when her regular partner was there. I knew the song from listening to it on the overall practice tape, so I agreed to help. One night after practice I stayed after to run through it with her. When the director heard us sing together, he was blown away, and insisted that I was now the one who was going to do the duet with her. Long story short, there was an anointing on that song that night, that went into my heart.....and reached into a place that the spoken word had not. That night, at choir practice, I gave my life to Christ....Nov. 15th, 1990.

Since that night, I have known that the Lord placed me on a certain path....that my calling has been to reach people through music. I do not play an instrument, nor have I ever had any kind of professional training.....but nevertheless.....God has used me in that manner ever since. I learned a lot under that particular director, and God used him mightily in my initial instruction. As more time passed, we eventually left that church, and searched for a couple of years until Fall of 1993, when my wife found a church that met in a movie theater in nearby Pitman. She had visited a few times on Sunday nights to see special concert events, and when she told me about it, my first reaction was, "what kind of church meets in a movie theater?" But I ended up accompanying her on a few visits and I was hooked. In Jan. 1994, we became regular attendees of the Gloucester County Community Church (GCCC)....and we've attended ever since.

Over the years, the Lord had blessed me to be able to associate and sing with such talented folks at GCCC.....it has been such a joy. I never in my life dreamed that I would ever get to do something like this. I have no special skill, or talent, or ability.....yet here I am doing His work in song........absolutely unbelievable!! He has placed me under the direction & instruction of people who have always sought an excellence for praise & worship. And being under the direction and teaching of Pastor Bruce (the senior pastor) has been so beneficial.....I can't really even put it into words.

Anyway, that's my story up to this point. More installments to come.......as the Lord leads........

2012-01-02T08:28:00.000-08:00

Part III.....Life Takes Off - Parenthood....

I actually spoke about this part of my life when I had the privilege to stand in the pulpit at my home church on Father's Day back in 2003. Several men spoke that weekend, and I was blessed to share the Sat. night pulpit.

Back in history to Feb. 1981.....I had been hired at Mobil about a year before and we were just starting to get established financially. We had been living in an apartment, and had just purchased a starter home. It was then that we found out we were pregnant with our first child. Initially, there was a state of shock, excitement, and anxiety, all rolled into one. I can remember when we did the home pregnancy test and the directions said to wait 2 hours for a result....but we actually had the result in 30-45 minutes. I have wondered at times if that little nuance was an indication of God's affirmation that this was indeed, His chosen path for us.

Anyway, over the next few weeks, my feelings of excitement began to fizzle, and were replaced by a growing level of anxiety, and outright fear. I began to realize the amount of responsibility that I would soon have to bear, and the lifelong commitment that we were both facing. As more time passed, I began to pray to God for help. But, I was not saved yet, I had never really read the bible, and I had no idea what salvation was. All I knew from my Catholic upbringing was that there is a Supreme Being out there somewhere about a million miles away, who only heard rosary prayers of "Hail Mary" and the like. I basically just repeated a single, desperate prayer....."oh God, help me!!" Somehow, I had to come to terms with this....or I'd go crazy.

More time passed....Helene was getting bigger....and the pressure was mounting. The doctor visits and ultrasound pictures of the baby kept reminding me that the big day was coming very soon....and I just wasn't ready. I tried to do a true heart search of myself to try and understand what my problem was.....and then it hit me.....I had no idea how to be a father! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did not have any personal father/son experience to draw from. Oh.....I had seen other fathers do things with their kids. As I was growing up, I had a particular friend whose father always treated me good whenever I was around. But, it just wasn't the same thing. At that time, I had also been blessed to have built a great relationship with my father-in-law, but again, that was as an adult....nothing to relate to from a child-like perspective.

So......now I knew how I had to pray, and I sincerely asked God to help me somehow. It's funny.....I did not become saved until 1990, but in my heart, in 1981, I knew I had to seek God. I never really tried to seek out any outside human counsel about my plight....I just never felt led to do that.....but somehow, I knew God had the answer. I never went to my mom with any of this because, as I said earlier, there was tension there, and I just didn't feel comfortable doing that. I discussed my apprehension/anxiety with my wife, and she did her best to reassure me that I/we would be just fine. Her vote of confidence helped, but this was really between God & me. I sought Him many times during those months, but there was only silence in return.

Sometime in late July, God broke His silence and clearly spoke to me in a way that I still marvel about....not in words, but in a "knowing" deep inside. The message was clear and concise......"Did you like it when your dad never took you hunting or fishing, or to ball games?" My answer was no. "Did you like it that you never got to spend time with him, and do all the family things that other families do?" Again....my answer was no. "Did you like it when he always seemed to be mad, and hollered at you?" Again....no. "Did you like the fact that you never sat on his lap, that he never hugged you, or said 'I love you'?" Tearfully....again, the answer was no. He then said, "I have provided you with everything you need to be a father. All of the unpleasant things that you remember....all the things that you disliked....don't repeat those things with your child. I have shown you how to be a father by showing you how NOT to be one."

I remember sitting quietly for some time soaking this in. It was revelation knowledge! It did not matter what had happened in the past....the future was pure and new and yet unwritten. I/we did not have to repeat any mistakes from the past....this was something I simply had not realized. The possibilities were endless!! Looking back, this sure sounds and looks simple and obvious enough, but to a young man 22 years old, it was not so obvious. So......I made up my mind and settled the issue that I would be a good and loving father, and got rid of the anxiety, apprehension, & fear.....and the feelings of excitement began to return. Lo and behold, on Sept. 7th, 1981, our son Doug was born, and a new frontier was opened to us that has been continuing for over 30 years now. By the way, a little side note.....Doug just happened to be born on Labor Day.....does God have a sense of humor or what??!!

The parenthood road continued......my daughter Jenna was born on Dec. 29th, 1984, and my son Evan was born on Dec. 30th, 1987. I have always called these two our tax babies because the tax rules allowed us to claim them as dependents for the whole year. They paid us the first year, and we've been paying ever since!!! LOL!

All of them are grown now and pursuing their own paths. We did our best to instill good moral character in them, a sense of responsibility, and a loving knowledge of Jesus. We've made our mistakes, but even so.....we've always been close to them. For me personally as a father, I've reached the goal I set out to achieve......I'm not a stranger to them. We can laugh and cry together, we can talk about anything, and we can hug and say "I love you" freely....no holding back.

God orchestrated it all, even though I got in His way many, many times. As I said earlier, I finally came to know him in 1990.....Nov. 15th to be exact…..but that's another chapter….

Part II.....Finding The Right Path....

2012-01-01T09:37:00.000-08:00

In the 70's, the legal drinking age was 18. This allowed a lot of us to move the party from our cars to the bars (cruisin' & boozin' was a big pastime back in the day). Many of us would gather at the local college parking lot across the street from high school and spend many hours there sipping on our beverage of choice, while letting the music play from a number of memorable vehicles and sound systems. Some of us who hung out there regularly actually developed a very good reputation with the local police as a responsible crowd. We were a little loud sometimes, but this particular location was isolated enough so that we never really bothered anyone.

As we moved to the bars, there were many opportunities to meet women who wanted to party and play. I remember a song from back then that was popular...."Lookin' for Love in All the Wrong Places," and I did my share of that. Years later after I was saved, I remember looking back and realizing just how true that ballad was. A lot of the music I used to listen to actually had very good "love lyrics".....& God used it all....not a crumb was wasted.

Finding true love was a very, very big deal to me. I think I got stuck looking for it so intently because it was somewhat lacking in my earlier years. By this time, I had had my heart broken by a girl who I originally thought may just be my life partner. Here again, I found out in the end that she was just another one of the fair-weather type friends that I had gotten mixed up with in the past. I stayed dedicated and faithful, but she did not. A very hard and painful lesson to learn, but God always uses the not-so-good things of life to teach us the most valuable ones.

In April 1977, I met my wife-to-be (Helene) at one of the local popular clubs. She was with a group of her friends, and I spotted her from a distance. I don't know if it was love at first sight, but I just knew I had to go over and introduce myself to this girl! Right from the start, she was different from anyone else I had ever met. We soon came to find out that we had a lot in common and we enjoyed each other's company. Long story short, this started a 2 1/2 year relationship, and we were married in Oct. 1979.

I'm just skimming the surface where details are concerned, but suffice to say that one of the major pitfalls of being the last son at home with an old-fashioned Italian mother is that she will hang onto you for dear life....like a life preserver. Her whole life had been her kids, and she was not prepared for the empty nest. In her mind, it was our job (one, or a combination of all of us) to take care of her, meet her needs, and so on. She looked upon Helene as the one who was stealing me away, and this obviously caused friction between all of us, and Helene could never get real close to her because of it. One thing about Helene that always told me she was the one that God ordained for me.....she never denied my mom a place in our lives. No matter what kind of grief she put up with (and she put up with a lot), she always encouraged me to regularly visit or call her, to always include her....not exclude her. There was no "fair-weather" behavior in her character. Her loyalty and dedication moved me in a way that I cannot describe in words. I would soon come to see that this was a picture of God's character, and she would be the main catalyst in my eventually coming to know the Lord.

During the 2 1/2 years that we dated, I became quite close to Helene's parents. I clearly remember the first time I came to her house. I knocked on the door and her father answered. I introduced myself and shook his hand, and came it to sit and chat with him and her mom. Later, I found out that this just impressed their socks off. Some of the guys she had previously dated were they type who just pulled up out front and honked the horn.....no knock on the door.....no introduction.....no respect.....nothing. This was her dad's major pet peeve, and I had blown all that out of the water. In addition to that, her father was a car buff and loved to tinker and do his own repairs. Well....I was a motor-head, and I worked around cars and car parts everyday. That first night we got into a great conversation about older Chevy's & Ford's and so on. And....her mom thought I was one hot Italian, so I was in her good graces too!! LOL!

Again, God used everything. He would even fill in some of my missing pieces with this new family....more on that later.

Part I.....In My Youth....

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It's amazing when I look back....I was angry and bitter about some things in my life at the time they were occurring, but I can now see how the Lord used the good, and especially the not-so-good. He was able to take all those pieces and mold me into what He wanted me to become.

I can't really say I ever liked school. When I look back, it seemed I always used to attract fair-weather friends.....none you could ever really count on. I can remember, even in the silly situations like getting caught talking in class, passing notes, horseplay, etc..... When the teacher would ask who did this or that....I was silent. However, I did not receive that same courtesy in return. Again, these were just minor, silly things.....but the Lord used them to teach me about friendship and loyalty. I never liked the pain of being ratted out, left behind, or just plain "dissed".....and there is the lesson in how to be a good and trusted friend. God clearly showed me how to be a friend by showing me how not to be one - if that makes sense.

In all this was the traditional, 100% Italian, Roman-Catholic background. I went to Catholic school (until 8th grade), went through first holy communion, confirmation, and so on.....all the usual rituals. Not once did I ever hear an invitation or the salvation message. If I wanted to get to God, I was going to have to go through the priest, the Monsignor, the Bishop.....and so on. I remember once when I was little, my mom brought the family Bible to church. The priest was greeting folks at the door and was quite annoyed with her when he saw her carrying it. I remember him asking her, "why did you bring that? All you need is the misselet", as they called it (the handout they gave you at the door). I look back on that and I can see what the Pharisees were like in Jesus' day - the Catholic church being modern-day Pharisees.

My youth was challenging. My dad died when I was 15. He had me later in his life (he was 51 when I was born), and we were never real close (I have two older brothers, 4 yrs. & 12 yrs. older). I can remember him always being mad, and hollering a lot. Everything my middle brother and I did got on his nerves. We always had to be quiet, so it stands to reason that we rejoiced when he worked the 4x12 shift. After school, we could play & rough-house around....and while mom did keep us in line, she was much more understanding and gave us much more "rope"....so to speak.

We didn't do the usual family, or father/son things together....we never went on any vacations (occasional visits to an Uncle's shore house.....if that counts)....we didn't go fishing or hunting....we didn't go to ball games....we didn't toss the baseball or football around....none of that kind of stuff. I don't even remember things like sitting on his lap, or being hugged, or anything like that. So....like I said, never a real closeness there. I've asked God many, many times the proverbial question.....Why?

When he died, I found out that he had not done the best job of providing for his family, and he left us in a tough financial situation. My oldest brother already had a family of his own, with bills to pay, and so on. My middle brother was out of school and was just leaving the nest....so I was left to try and help my mom make ends meet. I started working after school, making what money I could, but it was tough. I had become a very good student, and was getting A's & B's during freshman year in high school. But that all started to slide in sophomore year. I had gotten hooked up with the "motorhead" crowd, and my love of cars took off. We were always hanging out working on cars and I learned a lot, and ended up getting a job at a gas station, and also a job at an auto parts store. I worked both part-time after school and nights to help pay the bills. But, my grades suffered terribly, and by junior year, I was struggling to even maintain passing grades. On top of that, some of my friends introduced me to marijuana, and I started to smoke it socially. I never went overboard on it, but I found that it was a nice escape whenever I could get some free time to relax. My mom used to harp on me about not making enough money, and I used to get so angry with her. How could she put all this weight on my head? Why was this my burden to bear? My brothers would both help out when they could, but like I said, they now had their own households to run. I didn't realize until later that my mom, with her old fashioned Italian background, was from the old school. She was always the homemaker, and my dad was the breadwinner. She had worked for a few years when she was young, but that was all. She didn't know anything about how to go out and get a job....that was the man's thing to do....and I guess it just settled on me because of my gender. What a lousy hand of cards to be dealt at that age!! But God can use all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose.

That gets me through the school years. About a year after I graduated (yes, I managed to salvage the grades!), I met my future wife....and we get to the next phase of the story......soon to come.